Conflict Resolution By DrFrankLayman Part 1 of 2

Conflict Resolution

I was recently invited by a group to speak about Conflict Resolution. I enjoyed exploring the topic and presenting what I found. It allowed me to reflect and was well received by the audience so I thought it might be helpful in this format.

Conflict resolution is a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them.
The disagreement may be personal, financial, political, or emotional.

When a dispute arises, often the best course of action is negotiation to resolve the dispute.

In life there are more head winds than tail winds, so being prepared for different situations, opinions, and personalities is important to mitigate disputes.

This is especially true with entry into a new culture.
Organizations not only have cultures but they contain subcultures which are influenced by the work they share.
Upon entry into a new culture, culture shock can occur. Culture shock can happen when entering into a new organization with an established culture or even moving within departments within the same organization.

Employees are people and people have a need to belong. Some cultures are so unified they exclude new entries, and some will haze new entries prior to admittance.
Some people entering a new organization and adapt they learn the rules of the culture and integrate into it, some will never belong, and others play by the rules while they work to influence changes.

Cultural shock and fitting in are referred to as organizational socialization.
Organizational socialization is a dynamic ongoing process that passes along how the organization wants its people to think, perceive, feel, and behave about their processes. This can change with changes in personnel or when roles within an organization change. A company’s culture isn’t just defined by its policies, systems, procedures and operations but how fairly and consistently it’s leadership enforces them. Then as we discussed previously
there are subcultures that have their own structure rules and followers.
In an attempt to formally socialize employees into a company culture, orientations are utilized. Informal socialization is taut on the job by peer learning is often at odds with corporate intent. When these two integration entries are not aligned discord is more probable.
Discord leads to conflict.
Conflict is an opposing action of incompatible positions: an antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons). A disconnection of interests or desires.

Whatever the root causes of conflict we have to ask – can they be resolved and better yet can they be avoided?
Some conflicts create too great a wound to heal. Understanding this should motivate us to improve our approach for interacting and responding to others.
I believe it is far better to be a person of integrity, honesty, and transparency. I believe in virtue for virtue sake. I am also rational and will say provoking an engagement that could lead to a lifelong unresolved conflict. That kind of liability can be detrimental to anyone, no one needs that kind of threat, no matter how powerful they maybe.

There are times where conflict is forced upon a good person and in those cases we must be willing to stand up for what is right.
Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds. Albert Einstein

Some environments are so toxic we not only need to stand up for ourselves but respect ourselves enough to exit.
Prior to getting to an escalated level of conflict what can we do to prepare for and/or avoid engaging in them?

We can develop our cognitive maturity, leadership skills, coping mechanisms, and our intellect to gain greater capability to avoid or resolve conflict.

Cognitive maturity can be taught or developed but learning doesn’t guarantee that it will be employed in the heat of the exchange.
Will the knowledge translate to the desired behavior or will a human’s default mechanism kick in. When we are attacked we have a sympathetic nervous system that prepares us for fight or flight. Our rational mind has to override these primary reflexes or defaults.
Some people know what to do in a difficult situation and can execute, others find themselves helpless to their emotional triggers.
Emotional triggers can sabotage desired responses, their programmed default trumps their training.
Some people are very manipulative and for selfish reason, pleasure, or advantage they like to manipulate others into an emotional response, to get under their skin.
I am discerning for those who are like this and don’t tolerate them on any team I build. They create discord with their manipulation and subversive bullying.
They like to be the anonymous voice that yells out to insight a crowd, the one who blows things out of proportion to get a more exaggerated response, the one who initiates the gossip.
Others aren’t always the cause sometimes the culprit is found within.
Some emotional responses are self sabotage and can be related to low self esteem or self efficacy.
Emotional responses can also be an avoidance technique as many times leadership will stop asking these people to go above and beyond. This causes an injustice which causes discord in many organizations. Personally I ascribe to rewarding the good and addressing the manipulative, they either will rise up or out. Most leaders don’t want the confrontation or work it takes to manage these kinds of people so what you see more often is the top performers being pushed more and the low performers being avoided.
This makes me wonder -Do emotional responses exist in relation to our cognitive maturity or is it an inverse relationship?
Are emotional responses a part of ETTs.

Emotional thinking traps are a term I coined from my many experiences in ownership, leadership, and military service. ETTs are patterns of thinking that are counterproductive to objective analysis and critical thinking. Objectivity is the clear lens from which truth can be seen and much can be gained. Emotional thinking is a fog that imposes reactions that are not filtered and not conducive to success. They go back to base responses and avoid higher order thinking. We are all intimately familiar with the devastating wake emotional thinking traps can leave. It is always a surprise to me how we keep falling into them. ETTs can be persistent barriers to our self improvement. Developing our mind is one of the influential keys to diminishing the toll ETTs can exact. The mind influences the enterprise of the brain which influences every thought and feeling we have. When the Mind is untrained it falls to immature patterns primal base responses.

Next time you are faced with a difficult situation or antagonistic person who attempts to create potential conflict, pause and slow things down. Step outside yourself to truly analyze what is driving and determining your verbal responses and behavior choices.

In the case of:
Minor infraction – show grace
Medium infraction – listen, discuss and work toward a mutually beneficial outcome
Multiple medium infractions – discuss, negotiate and work toward positive change
A large infraction – attempt negotiations if failed seek justice while removing yourself from the insulting environment.

Have enough respect for yourself not to allow a provoked over response or insult, and not to back down.

I am a warrior, while I believe in forgiveness for some things, I demand justice. DFL

I seek and value harmony, so sometimes I must fight for it. DFL

Thank you
DrFrankLayman
Author of: Contemplative Growth and Development; Daily Reflective Growth;
Reflections To Success; Exito A Traves Del Pensamiento Logico; Success Through Logical Thinking

Resilience a Quality Worthy of Training by DrFrankLayman

Resilience a Quality Worthy of Training by DrFrankLayman

A strong positive mindset with a sense of self confidence and self efficacy along with patience and resilience can see us past our present hardship to the light of a new tomorrow. Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; it’s toughness: it’s the ability to spring back into shape following a hardship.

Resilience is an inner strength and tenacity that allows someone to bounce back from a failure, disappointment, or frustration to be successful at higher levels over the longer run.

For anyone to tap into this attribute it is like training anything else we wish to posses: we have to know we want to poses it, we have to make it a goal, and then we need to seek out an approach to be effective in achieving it or enhancing it.

1. Daily Self Development

DSD helps us to train for improvement in ourselves while helping us cope. It fortifies us from the daily strife we all go through and it builds us to a better future version of ourselves. It is a way of training yourself to grow and develop.

2. Self-Efficacy
One’s sense of self-efficacy can play a major role in how one approaches goals, tasks, and challenges. We build on our self efficacy by taking on challenges and tasks and refining our approach and strategies to be better at the accomplishment of them. Anyone who is skilled at something knows they have to challenge themselves, sometimes it is self driven, sometimes it is finding a coach/mentor, or maybe being in the presence of an expert. Confidence in self comes from a respect we have of ourself and our inner dialogue is immensely influential. Positive self talk, preparation, and a sound approach go a long way in the progression of self-efficacy.

3. Discernment.
The good judgment or wisdom to compare, contrast, and select that which is of optimum good for us and our future state. Resilience is tied with our mental and physical state of well being, those are made of conscious and deliberate choice. There is also the discernment to engage, when not to and when to break off engagement. Not because the challenge is hard but because it is worthy of the effort, time and resources. Working on wisdom is a very challenging undertaking it is a matter of gaining in experiences in an objective way that allows mindful inventory of attributes that resulted in success or failure, good outcomes or poor ones, great subpar and bad performances.

4. Wellness

Your state of health and wellness and how much you invest in keeping it optimize is an important part of resilience. Let’s look at how prisoners are broken down sleep deprived, poor nutrition, little to no exercise, little to no positive social connectedness, little to no positive stimulation. Use what I call the Frank rule of 180 do the opposite of a negative approach.
Prioritize good sleep, fitness, positive social connectedness and other positive stimuli (see also DSD)

5. Caring
Caring is a sincere love of having a positive impact on others which infuses a passion. Having a deep sincere concern for others and how things will work out for them. Having a mission something we are working for that is bigger than ourselves that contributes to others fosters us to give more and to endure more. Caring can allow us to see our mission through because selflessness has far more satisfaction and purpose than selfishness.

6. Toughness.
Toughness is inate in all of us but being too comfortable for too long can diminish it in us.

Toughness is:

– emotional stability especially in the face of disappointment
– a positive Perspective even when facing hard times
– strength under stress, it is the ability to perform as good if not better when the
stakes are higher
– a willingness of Preparation for challenges
– the right positive attitude toward setbacks

I love this Grit Scale

Grit Scale

Take the test and see where you are on it then if you’re not where you want see if you can’t train to improve.

7. Endurance
When we are tired we are vulnerable. Lack of endurance will make us vulnerable like it will make an athlete or an athletic team easier to beat in the latter half of a game. Build your endurance with training and as you do you will find your mental and phsyical mindset endure longer which leads to resiliency.

8. Cognitive maturity

The development of our critical thinking and our emotional IQ are profound in the impact they have on our resilience. Gaining alliances by being in tune with others and socially able gives us opportunities for support. Being more logical rather than emotional can set us to think through a barrier rather than to concede to it.

Overcome barriers by searching for the barriers weaknesses and your strengths. DFL

9. Dedication

The quality of being committed to a task or purpose. Dedication is a conscious decision. It is tied to our belief in what we are doing as well as who is doing it. You will also see greater dedication in those that have a mission/purpose. Knowing that, create a mission for yourself, mine is to help those who want to make a positive change

10. Hope, Belief and Motivation

Hope is not a stand alone strategy but the opposite of hope is hopelessness and with hopelessness comes despair. Have you ever attempted to achieve a goal in a state of despair. No, because these are incongruent and don’t work together So we have to sustain belief, a spirit within us that feeds off of the optimism we create and sustains hope which all compels us to act – they are motivating. We have to sustain hope, belief and motivation doing what it takes to stay positive during difficult times. Motivation isn’t time ill spent, it is an investment that can fuel the arrival or at least ward off exhaustion. Stay in the race until you cross the finish line. Fight until the end of the final round.

11. Achievement

Value Achievements, don’t define who we are by them. If we have a belief in ourselves we won’t faulted in the face of disappointment. Having a sense of self confidence is needed not to be shattered in the event of a failure, a miss or a frustration. That said a drive to achieve goes a long way to fuel our long journey to accomplishment.

12. Peace
We can motivate ourselves by fear to the immediacy of completing a task but long term I advocate seeking peace. I can be at peace yet at a high tempo. We often associated anxiety, fear or anger as states that allow for motivation of action but those have a negative physiological impact and are difficult to sustain without long term harm. Seeking peace with high tempo thoughtful actions will be good for the mission and for your health.

13. Focus.
Not taking our eyes off the target no matter the distress we are under, no matter how long it takes to get there. Many have unrealistic expectations for success and don’t exhaust in getting to it but become frustrated by their own making.

14. Love

If you have a why you can endure any how. Friedrich Nietzsche
Love is the most powerful reason we all have, it far exceeds any negative emotion in its power to sustain us. Love is relentless it can add to or be our Reliance.

Work on your resilience by working in these areas and you will see it is reinforced along with many other positive attributes that can help you stay in the fight longer.

It is not always the one who holds the advantage, is more prepared or is the most skilled, sometimes it is the one who can endure to the end who will succeed over all others. DFL

Put all those attributes together with resilience and you have a force to be reckoned with.

Mental Toughness, resilience, mission can allow you to stay in the game longer and that improves your probability for accomplishing your goals. Set your goals stay focused, be hungry, work diligently with a good strategy and mindset, be discerning and watch for opportunities to leverage your new found resiliency to succeed.

Thank you
DrFrankLayman

“We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organise and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.” JFK

Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt. Roman gladiators

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan

Daily Self Development (DSD) – Approaching Life With The Intent Of Improving It by DrFrankLayman

Daily Self Development (DSD): Approaching Life With The Intent Of Improving It
by DrFrankLayman

Added to any situation, group, or dynamic are you confident you would impress upon it your positive impact. How many of us are living day to day just trying to get by, never mind looking to advance. Most will come to see the enthusiasm of hope worn down by the longevity of process. We all start off assuming there will be more tail winds than head winds in our life, in our relationships, and in our carrier. Those not durable enough to endure will never find their finish line, they will never reach their potential, gain the ground they want and that causes so many so much frustration. Frustration is an emotion that occurs when we are inhibited from reaching a set goal or desired result. When we reach our goals, when we achieve and accomplish something it brings with it self efficacy, confidence, and happiness. Winning environments can be trained that is why there are dynasties in sports. In ourselves result oriented mindsets can be formulated, we can train ourselves to be mentally strong, rational and effective.
Frustration is what causes us to give in, give up, compromise, or lose interest. Typical response to frustration are anger, quitting (burn out or giving up), loss of self-esteem and self-confidence, stress, sadness and depression declined self efficacy. Frustration results in a hindrance to all the things that are in opposition to what resulted from it i.e. enthusiasm, joy, satisfaction, peace, happiness and self confidence.

Frustration is looking past this moment you have to a future moment you want. DFL

There are times I have noticed that the goal or desired outcome made are sound but the time frame is unrealistic. The skill set pocessed has not been acquired, in short, preparations haven’t fully been made.

What can be done to improve results, meet goals, and gain positive outcomes (desired endings)? We can start by self development, I can make many arguments why this approach has mutli-variant positive impacts in our lives. The goal of life should be success. I define success as the progressive development of self. We all don’t start with the same advantages, talents, or opportunities but we all start with the desire to grow and develop to be and do more. So define success as you will but for me it is in self development and that is one of the reasons I advocate Daily Self Development (DSD). Thinking you will just advance without working for it is like an athlete thinking they are going to the big show without training just hoping and dreaming it will happen. We need to do the same train everyday for a better future. I also believe that daily self development if done with the correct focus can help steel us up, fortify our will and mental toughness along with our physical and mental endurance. Without a doubt commitment to true change, a paradigm shift is what I am advocating. Habit, rigid scheduling, and routine are good short term approaches but what I am advocating goes far beyond that, it goes to a new perspective. Long term we will internally rebel against a rigid structure but it can help with the transition until we have accepted a new way of thinking about ourselves. I might regress but that isn’t me, I am not going to dismiss myself or demean myself but know that my true self will reemerged another day. I will have more training days than missed days and over time a compounding effect will get me to a better future me and one who is far more prepared to go the distance and weather the bad storms and become who I am meant to be.

Fulfillment and disappointment are close neighbors ensure you have the correct approach to get to the destination you desire to arrive at. DFL

There is no struggle big enough to crush my spirit. DFL

Live in today while preparing for tomorrow. DFL

Forgive your past, engage in your present, and prepare for your future. DFL

Get started today by reading my books and blogs, listening to my podcasts and by thinking, being, behaving, and acting in a positive way. Make the shift of mindset and commit and train daily.

I wish yall the Very Best!!!

DrFrankLayman

Transition Embraced: Searching For Opportunitiy In Challenge by DrFrankLayman

Transition Embraced: Searching For Opportunitiy In Challenge by DrFrankLayman

Transition feared is abysmal
Transition anticipated is infinite
DFL

Given the proper mentor and perspective transition is an opportunity for growth, achievement and success DFL

I chose to define Transition in terms of development evolution passage progress
Metamorphosis transformation.

Many fear it because transition Is difficult – growth always is.

Recently I Lectured on Positive Transition To Military personnel transitioning to the Civilian Workforce
I challenged them to think differently about the U know they face ahead of them
To see transition as a challenge and acknowledge that Challenges to allow for growth and opportunity
To go out with enthusiasm a plan and an adaptable mindset.
Not to just accept the conventional transition of getting a job but to consider transforming into and entrepreneur.
Not to accept the conventional definition of an entrepreneur but to consider my definition

Entrepreneur
One who finds a way to get compensated for their passion and happiness.

Then consider a team behind their endeavor, one that has the experience and tools to increase the probability of success.

I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’ Muhammad Ali

We have to be realistic and understand transition takes time but I have the benefit of having gone through some tuff transitions and I have discovered

Small steps in my journeys have lead me to extraordinary places. DFL

Remember you have to include yourself, don’t wilt or retreat during this process

If you see the world as them and me you’ll always be excluded if you see it as us you’ll always be included DFl

That said we must dream and work.

Your not who you were which allows you to be something more DFL

My humanity is incessant self overcoming. Friedrich Nietzsche

No matter the transition you face now or in your future prepare yourself daily because they are coming and they don’t stop it’s like standing at the shore and meeting the waves you have to be ready to face the relentless surf with mindful intent and you will either struggle against it or learn to play in it – that is a choice

Don’t let your ego isolate you from the people and organizations that can help you. Out of pride we sometimes make the wrong decision not to seek help.
I want you to be self reliant but also capable of networking and reaching out to others. It is a complex tight rope to walk but becoming skill can make the difference of falling or moving forward.

Finally don’t let anyone pigeon hole you look at the opportunities and be confident your skills can be transposed.
Don’t let the critics dictate your dreams.
Many dreams are symbolic and at the same time real because reality is shaped by belief and perception DFL

Thank you
DrFrankLayman
Author of: Contemplative Growth and Development; Daily Reflective Growth;
Reflections To Success; Success Through Logical Thinking